Thursday, March 20, 2008

So tonight is a bit melancholy. We're busy getting ready for Easter, my parents are coming to visit. Evan's totally excited about the Easter bunny, we're excited to see our family etc etc.. and it just amplifies what is missing so much. Isla should be here also getting ready. She should be wearing a frilly pink Easter dress, tights and little buckle shoes, like I always imagined my daughter would. It's so unfair, how this has actually happened. It's like I am a little girl, and I had a dream that I got the most amazing doll ever. One that I'd always hoped and dreamed for. Then I woke up, and I didn't actually get her at all. No pretty dresses, no barrettes, no buckle shoes. Not for me. I miss her so much these days. Tim and I have started writing to her in a little book we have with angels and roses on it (bought years ago, never used, eerily enough)...
No real point to tonight but to say hi to my girl out there, and tell her how much I wish I was holding her in my arms, instead of my heart. She is so incredibly missed.


CLC said...

That's a good way to describe how I am feeling too. I can't believe how much I miss my little girl. I tried to go to mass today and there were too many beautiful girls there in their Easter dresses. I got so upset I had to leave. God, this really sucks.

anarchist mom said...

Easter brought on so much emotion, more than I expected being secular. I guess it was just like I really for the first time figured out that for evey major holiday I will think of Myles and what he would be doing.

mj said...

I just wanted to come by and give you a hug. Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. It really helps me know who is out there, and so I can reach back. (((hugs))
I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet daughter.

k@lakly said...

Hi Steph,
Thanks for your words over at my place. How are you doing now? we are almost exactly the same distance out from our loss. I lost Caleb on 9/1/07 so just a few weeks before you lost your beautiful Isla.
Are you writing at all anymore or just reading now?
I hope your heart is healing and that your hopes for a sub pg are realized...bringing you a healthy baby to hold in your arms.